Did you know.....????

Have you ever wondered what happens with your coats when you leave them on the bed at a party?

Yup, we made coat angels and took selfies with your phone.  YOUR WELCOME! Hope you had a fantastic holiday!

xxoo

The wives

Giving Thanks

We can't leave this day unrecognized so we thought we would share the top things these West Coast Wives are thankful for...

Queen JLo

I'm sure you saw her AMA performance this past week.  If you haven't, crawl out of that rock you've been under it is amaze-balls.  We are thankful for Miss Jenny for the Block for not only making me question my sexuality but also for showing us that  your 40's can look so damn good. What excuses do we have in our 30's?! NONE. Bow down when you come to JLo's town.

Paris

We can be snarky and silly here on WCW but in all seriousness, a city known for inspiring so much culture, history, art, (Chanel),  and love they have shown such resilience and beauty in the aftermath of such a horrific tragic event. It truly is a reminder to be thankful and appreciative for the life we have and of all the lives around us.  

Cyber Monday

Thanks to Cyber Monday we are able spend Black Friday nursing hangovers and watching Xmas specials far, far away from overly aggressive shoppers yanking their screaming kids around. We prefer the civilized route-  checking off the 'ol gift list from the safety of our offices on company time.

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Right smack dab in the middle of the holidays, this annual phenomenon serves as a crucial reminder to slow your Christmas cookie roll.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING makes you feel more like a slobbery obese with frosting on your neck rolls than watching these beautiful freaks of nature strutting their bad ass selves down the runway. VSFS season is my bathing suit season. I train to tune in.

Herbal 'Remedies'

While portioning and moderation are daily exercises in self-control during the months of Novemebr and December, we can't completely deprive ourselves during the holidays. Thanks to our herbal remedies (think less Cheech and Chong and more Swiss Kriss and Ballerina Tea) we're able to keep things moving along and give that cheese board that might have been chased with a pumpkin pie an exit strategy.

Friends

San Diego (aka home for us WCWs) is a transplant city where finding a native San Diegan is basically the equivalent to finding a unicorn. Whether out here for school, work, or eternal sunshine the truth is we don't have family that chased the dream with us (um, thank god). During the holidays though this can be a bummer which is why there's no ship like FWENDSHIP. We rely on our pals and they really become our second fam bam. And with this family we can drink that bottle of champs through a crazy straw and wear slutty holiday attire with wayyyy less judgement. 

Husbands

Now we couldn't be a WCW without our WCHusband's.  Although we have to put up with their spontaneous flatulence, forgetfulness when it comes to yet another dinner plan, their hands on their junk in front of the TV, their drunken seduction attempts, (the list can go on!) we are so grateful for these hubbys and all the love and support they offer us all day erday.  Who else can dodge questions like "Does this make me look fat?" and "Which celebrity would you want as you hall pass?" Who else will sit and hold our purses at the next Bloomie's sale?  Who else will let us pick at their faces like a mother orangutan? We may put up with a lot with these baboons but we ladies are no walk in the park either!  Thank you boys for loving us even when we ugly cry.  

Happy Thanksgiving from the WestCoastWives- xoxoxoxoxo!!!

Ride or Die B*%ches

I would like to think as I sit here in my cute little craftsman home while driving my white energy efficient SUV, as I carefully meal plan my family's week and strategize my 401k investments that I could be a Ride or Die Bi@#^ch.   Do I have what it takes? What does it mean to be ride or die? Who is truly ride or die? 

recording-artists-jay-z-beyonce.jpg

Beyonce and Jay-Z put it in song with "Me and my Girlfriend" and despite rumors of Hova's infidelities Mrs. Carter still proclaims "I love me some Jay-Z".  

 

Hot as f*&k Rihanna took multiple clocks from long time goofy looking boyfriend Chris Brown and despite being publicly revealed as a battered girlfriend she still stood by his side (what penis size could make a fox like her forgive that?). It  wasn't until after pouring her heart out in her cathartic and (best song ever!) single "Stay" did RiRi finally kick the violent habit.  

But lets step away from just the hip hop community...

New Jersey Housewife Teresa Giudice is now serving 15 months hard time after husband Joe took her down a rabbit hole of multiple fraud counts.  With her sentence near an end she will still be returning home to her man ...who will be whisked away 2 days later for his 42 month penitentiary holiday.  

 "One day you'll be my first b#^*ch"

"One day you'll be my first b#^*ch"

 

Let's not forget our downest B$%&^ of the country;  Washington's very own Hilary Clinton. As first lady she stood by her fellated, polka-dot blue dress staining hubby after a humiliation of global proportions.

 

But now I have to honor one of WestCoastWives very own ride or die B$^&ches of the hour. Our Calabasas-born Khloe Kardashian.  She gets an honorary mention in today's blog for going to extraordinary lengths to really hold on to her West Coast Wives status.  Miss Khloe K (or shall I say Khloe Odom), decided this past weekend to dismiss her and Lamar's divorce case AFTER her estranged husband put himself in to a drug induced coma while partying too hard with hookers.  It has been an already messy separation with disputes over Khloe's vs Lamar's net worth and dealing with Lamar's ever worsening drug addiction. To add to the overflowing water under the bridge Khloe publicly rebounded with B-rated rapper French Montana, and then moved on to another fling with NBA player James Harden. This is all happening whilst Lamar loses his contract with the Knicks. BURN!

But through ALL of this it hasn't stopped Khloe from claiming Lamar as "the love of her life."  In an interview with Complex Khloe, she stated; 

Oh my god, I miss him every day, I miss what we had—things we got to do together our just memories. I like looking back and holding on to that stuff. I definitely miss it, and there’s times I’ll get so sentimental and so sad, but this had to happen for some reason. I’ll figure it out over time, someone will give me that answer eventually. I think it would be very f—-ing weird if I didn’t miss it.

Sigh,  The heart wants what the heart wants.  Kinda romantic in this convoluted sea of poop. But let;s address what is really on everyone's mind...

 Sadness suits me....

Sadness suits me....

BAM!  Khloe cut her hair and she is slaying it!!!  As you may already know I've been obsessed with her for the last 6 months and this new hair is giving me more reason to obsess.  She looks AMMMMMAZZZINGGG!!! and if I could rock a lob, i'd be racing to my hair stylist with this photo.  But unfortunately with this 'do I'll end up resembling either a Connie Chung inspired anchor woman, or a suburban soccer mom (no offense suburban moms out there).  Trauma, chaos and a lob look good on you Khloe. So on that note, from one WestCoastWife to another-  we wish you and Lamar the best.

-Tuyen

And we're LIVE!!!

After much talk and contemplation WestCoastWives is finally no longer just an idea but is now here for our and your entertainment!  It all began 5 years ago as two single girls became friends and realized their mutual love for long distance running, buttery chardonnay, fart jokes, and Christian Louboutin. Since then we have become hitched and now our combined interests have extended to Spanish wine, low carb diets, embarassing sexcapades and Lanvin.  

The process of getting us two neurotic queen bees to sit down commit and create was as hard as it was to wake up and decide to go gluten free for a month.  But we will be blogging and blabbering on for much longer than a month and we are so excited to share the many insights and blunders of a West Coast Wife.  

Although our namesake involves wives we are not exclusively speaking to married women or even just women.  This is our platform to show our perspective of what it's like to be a  person/woman/wife,  living in this crazy world of Southern California.  Staying on trend and in style is like a part time job and keeping up with the endless youth and beauty  around you can make you want to either throw on your fat sweats and cry or squeeze into your Herve Leger knock off in desperation.  WestCoastWives is a plethora of topics from fashion wins, fails and finds to beauty tips to recipes and restaurant critiques to just our unadulterated opinion on Zac Effrons lower abdomen.  We are here to explore it all!  Keep in mind we are still in the beta phase so minor changes and updates will be made as we go.  But please feel free to explore and troll around as you would on any ex-lover's Facebook page. Thank you for joining us on this journey and stay connected as we bring you more blogs on WestCoastWives!  Before I sign off, here is our version of.....

Top 10 ways you know your a WestCoastWife

1.  You opted for the tuna tartare appetizer rather than an entree so you could save the calories for an extra glass of wine...or two.....

2.  You have a collection of amazing designer handbags that were either purchased used, black market, occasionally full retail- but only after getting your husband to cave by finally performing that one act you claimed "you had too much self respect for!!!"

3.  Pregnancy means 10 months of strategizing your Beyonce inspired post-baby bod debut.

4.  You know what "marionette lines" and "elevens" are.

5.  You have mastered the selfie without succumbing to the duck face.

6.  You receive spam email from Gilt, Shopbop, Hautelook, Revolve, ASOS, TheRealReal...

7.  Having a youthful healthy tan while trying to also prevent premature aging from the sun is a balancing act where bronzer, trendy sun hats and zig zagging to the shady side of the street is common place.  

8.  You've taken at least one Barre, Soul Cycle, Piyo, or Bikram class this week.  

9.  Sunday Brunch means skimpy rompers, aviators, and stilettos/wedges with a mimosa main course.

10.  You have an arsenal of laxatives and detox teas in the event you need to squeeze into that cut out Halston Heritage dress you've been waiting to debut.